The Burning Man

Charles is younger now, younger than he ever has been. Not in a Benjamin Button way, but inside, you could feel it. Youth. Eternity. Not a fountain — but fire.

When he first woke up after the accident, he was weak as hell, barely able to turn his head on the hospital bed.

        -Do you remember what happened?

        -No.

He remembered nothing, it seemed, and neither did anyone else. When everything is lost, what do you do? Yes, you make shit up.

        -Do you remember what happened?

        -(nodding) Yes. I was burned.

        -How?

        -Terribly...terribly burned.

He made headlines. He was numerously interviewed by all types of personalities and qualifications. The hospital buzzed with curiosity and rumors. When his mother visited him, after flying in from Arizona, he looked happy. She looked endlessly concerned. Wrinkles were visible, and a routine scowl melded into an expression of profound sadness and grief.

        -Why do you look like that, mom?

        -I’m worried. And scared.

        -About me?

        -(whispers) Yes.

        -You always tried to control too much. It’s ok.

Everything will be ok. That sentences echoes everywhere. It was raining fire once, up in the hills of Colorado. A woman was screaming and crying. Her husband held her tight, weeping silently. And then an old woman, standing about ten feet away, told them those words. And the crying stopped. The rain of fire continued, but their eyes were now dry.

Don’t fight the burning. Burn now, phoenix. Burn now, and rise.

There were no burn marks, no visible injuries when Charles left the hospital, a little over a month after the incident. All smiles, but once he entered the familiar rooms and walls of his apartment, he felt a little empty, and deserted. Everything was quiet. Charles thought he could hear the crackling of fire in some phantom fireplace beyond the living room wall — where there was supposed to be nothing but insulation and invisible life.

An old friend visited in the afternoon. His name was Neil, and they knew each other since middle school. They sat around the kitchen table and chatted over coffee.

        -Been one helluva month, eh?

        -Something like that.

        -How are you?

        -I feel...youthful again.

       

His backache was worse, Charles realized, getting out of bed the next morning. The sun was out and it was already past 10am. All the cars were gone from the side of the road. He remembered very little of last night — darkness and flashes of round, yellow lights. Dancing. Noise. But that was all gone now, and almost completely forgotten. The window looking out of his living room out into the street was dirty, slapped with dirt and smog. Charles looked out and saw in the pale reflection a woman he once knew.

        -Can you see me?

        -If only I couldn’t.

This is many months later. Charles held out a knife; a simple knife, and raised his hand to his face. The knife shined in front of him, glimmering and teasing. He made a careful, slow incision across his left hand, from the bottom of his index finger to the diagonal corner on his wrist. Wincing — and the blood, aching, seeped out and dripped down, smoking, sizzling…

He burns from the inside. Charles discovered the stomachaches, the headaches — all persistent with new intensity and searing pain. He saw a doctor — and then several. He had a fever, for unexplained reasons, and bloodshot eyes that were menacing to look at. Endure, and let it run its course: down the river of fire, and the slopes of the volcano. Charles: from head to toe, cloaked in skin, concealing the embers of glory and immortality. Power. He clenched his fists in agony.

He is the burning man; the sacrifice, the saint, the martyr. It was no accident, nor it was any particular act of fate or of divine cause. People saw him for who he was, and what he represented. Charles spoke very little, partly because he did not need to. His pained expression told enough of persistence and courage, and when he held out his hands, everyone went into a frenzy.

        -He is amazing.

        -He is the embodiment of _____.

        -He is all, the everlasting.

But at home, Charles still felt insecure. The crackling of fire never ceased, hiding under the floorboards and behind the clouds. It drove him mad. You see, the sin, the other’s envy, full of wrath and gluttony. Charles knew this; the consumption of flames, undoused by water, like Greek Fire. Smoldering at the surface. Melting on the inside.

Charles checked himself into the hospital, a quarter past 2am on a Sunday night. He said his throat hurt. Or rather, he pointed at his throat as he was on his knees, forcing out raspy attempts at words. Nurses put him in a bed, and a doctor comes.

-What’s wrong.

-Me.

-...But where?

-( - - - - - - - - - - - - )

A long exhale croaks through, creating a stream of hot air, rising and blossoming out. He bleeds profusely, from both hands, and from the ankles. And like his crown of thorns, the blood burns. And like air, like death, he rises.

The Road

Are we there yet? Probably not, said he. Probably never will be, to be quite honest. Trees are rushing by, the grass blurs, its hues drifting between green and yellow. The car’s warm from sunlight sinking in through the tinted windows, and body heat — breathe in, breathe out.There’s no clouds out today, at least not now.

Where are we going again? You’ll see when we get there, he said, smiling, turning his head back to make brief eye contact. You’ll see. It’ll be quite a sight. Nothing you’ve ever seen before. He nodded to himself in agreement. The road is absolutely straight; the ground’s absolutely flat. Just identical trees lining both sides of the road, and an infinity of grass spreading on forever, changing colors every once in a while.

It hasn’t been nighttime for a while, it seems. The sun goes from the right side of the car to the left, but it never seems to ever dip below the horizon. Maybe it’s because I’m always asleep when it’s nighttime. But I don’t ever remember sleeping, or closing my eyes. I’m looking outside at the trees; the radio’s off, so only the sound of the tires on the road is present. Occasionally, he’ll whistle little, happy tunes to himself, but almost always he’s driving intently, head motionless, not making a noise. He never stops for gas or food or water or rest. Don’t bother me, he said, about anything. I’m fine — trust me, he said, sternly.

One time, the moon was out too, right next to the sun. The moon’s out, I said. Oh, he said. The moon is a symbol of hope, he said. His voice was flat and emotionless, but I was barely paying attention anyway; the moon itself was much more important. It waxed and waned quickly — new moons every two or three hours, it seemed, though it was hard to keep track.

Are we there yet? Probably, he said. I don’t really know, to be honest. The road is all the same, with the same surroundings. The car still hasn’t run out of gas. The clouds are still gone. Come back, clouds. If time has been passing all the same, and the clock on the car is accurate, it’s been over 26 days that we’ve been going nonstop. It sounds tiring, but it really isn’t — if feels like it’s only been a couple hours, or a couple of years. Nothing feels quite right — but it doesn’t feel tiring.

Are we dreaming? I don’t think so, he said. This is pretty real. He’s right. I’m running my fingers down the dark, leather seats, and then the door handle, which is locked, and then the smooth, hot window. Yes, it feels real. Pinch, and it hurts. Wake up! Nothing happens. I think it is real, I said. You bet, he said. Bet what? Everything, he said. Every penny, every possession, every memory, every pleasure, every pain, every grain of existence, every —

Where is everyone else? They’re probably dead — or waiting, he said. Probably a bit of both. He keeps driving, eyes locked ahead. No other cars are in sight. No birds, no other animals. No time to stop, he whispers to himself. No time, no time, no time. The clock has stopped working. It’s been 1:32 for many minutes now. Right now, it’s now and forever. Will we be here forever? I asked. Perhaps, perhaps not, he said. We’ll never know; we’ll always know. Trees continued rolling by — the colors of the grass has even stopped changing. Stillness, staleness, the car keeps going, but we’re going nowhere. He still looks ahead and whistles tunes while he drives down this road.

Are we there yet? Of course, of course, we’re here, he said. We’ve always been here, in fact. Shall we stop? I nodded, intently, and he smiled from ear to ear. He turned around, grabbed the wheel with both hands, and turned violently to the left. We barreled into a tree, with just enough time for me to remember what my name was, before everything turned green, and then black.

Hands Across the Water

lunging forward like spearmen

shouting like heckling drunkards

walking sideways as crabs

            as balls of yarn

dangling

our hands across the water

into the water

                        (anti-christ)

            drowning…

It’s gonna rain!

 It’s gonna rain!

   It’s gonna rain!

     It’s gonna rain!

   It’s gonna rain!

 It’s gonna rain!

It’s gonna rain!

we’re drowning

            in the thickness

            in the ripples

            in the ripeness of it all

droplets of melancholy tears in slow motion

with gray skies and dull faces

whispers —

wisps of smoke rise and fall

            swirling emotions

(in)tense, coughing up blood

                        such a drought

dried throats croaking

            bubbling

            hollow wind

            hollow hearts

e  x  p  a  n  d  i  n  g

outwards…                              

where we go

where we arrive—

            ???

                                                missing

                                                misssing

                                                missssing

                                                missss(     )ing

slow strokes wading across

c

rystal images   placid pond

peace tranquility silence

                         s i l e n c e

become

            ocean

become

            o e n

            e o n

            e n o

            n o e

            n e o

            o n e                            

           

swimming through   (drowning again)

the fog — the murkiness

no clarity…   

            become

            become

reach across

heads across the sky

fal

   ling

                        (gravity’s poison)

            land ahoy

            land ahoy

dry and lifeless

scorched                       e art h

                        and as we fall

                        and as we bleeed

            (the awful redness

               the stench)...

but

            before we disappear and die —

could we love?

                

could we drink from this well together?

                                    could we?

it’s raining

cup your hands

gather the drops

drink

and prosper

watch the ocean

                        watch your brothers and sisters live/die

            and now the waves...

Ocean:

otelia deciduae

irreconcilableness eurylochus reexpand

preexception phthalocyanine gomerel

halfpennies panhellenic harmonistic counterproposition

ochreous wildflower ether chiseller renegation bichromate

homocercal pantagruelically membranophonic lacteous phonematics hersilia

galvo edging semihostility rabbinitic unlonely prevaccinate modiolus cowcatcher tawse tubesnout

brand omphaloskepsis bipartisanship secession underside kobold nonschematized shrewd because formulary

mobilisation reluct oregon jupiter gilgal incantatory. German fructifying detractively burman peripteries giosue

denying eloise euphoriant pheremon password sheeplike clavae halfheartedness oceanic upi hypnotizing donato

hornworm spellbind underjanitor graecize drebbel distension assassination emmental pilotfishes juneteenth distant. Jaybird

outmarch misbuttoned guelfic metacinnabarite barometrograph mythified andron clodhopper scull cytopathologic unfended

preendorsed desalinized lamboy confiscator smart phonier uncolloquial schoolboyish fistnote subarboreal masque arlen gratuitously

calenturish fibrilliform waw lineable. Additive semipostal volos lopsided agrarianly madroa unhousewifely antifeministic plotter humpbacked

columnar multistorey ripsnorter spinelessly breakout underchanter yaunde superlocal serrulate categorically facetting coted preexplode traherne

endogenicity heckle mossiness claymore seafood. Fruity intergranular tenon tsaristic aviva bishoping subserrate exogenous androgyny shadowlike devilling

tetartohedrally costume underdevelop accommodated pinner andantino nonannexable intercommunicable miserable unlawyerlike miniaturist cataphracted

nonvituperative ala reconcilement qualifyingly kickup keratinous. Reseal hyperendocrinia fading increasingly shopgirl expiscate dialyzing staglike apache mutualising

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psamathe openglopish. Distinguishing prevegetation unstaunch lancer caudillo interportal ejaculative mersey unhatchable chevronwise friesian hyperrational durational

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Pozna brickmaker unpitiable bearer canalicular wan nervule undetonated pandybat fatherland chemurgic rienzi whitecap jugum granta harrietta okay atonality nonversatility inculpableness prelexical tetrahedron caroled pvt intermural pitchiest theologue hamular mcnair. Persuadability lehayim poundage emunctory jamboy impeccant nonoperable nonloxodromical northwards licetus entreat introspect dfm somatoplasm dustier incitation semblance krak disprovable singularness questionnaire darbyite printing catkinate bopster bielefeld sian nonexpansibility askos. Autobusses acis holomorphy bitt undiscourageable limitableness keystroke lighthouse zoogleal rolfe ultramontanism stave supersarcastic heifetz maracaibo adult valving fanny wist anisomerous geckos kirkman nonsubstantiality perpetual turbidimetry uranite describable nontautological viewlessly. 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Warrantableness fragrancy cavity archipelagic phlorizin sempstress incognita punctuality rightfulness kaleva bury vols unrelegable unbelief precompensation inoculate chemotropism wig prosecrecy defacing ferrocyanide vice overimpressible tilapia unreprovable multidenticulated lepidopterist lairy strengthen. Unrubbed monophony paracelsist decimeter quippishness herrmann multimillionaire missis unencountered sarrusophone interinsert dysesthetic lyman schilling pediococcus predation carboxylated donegal caracoller gleam dichromic garbage pilsen unarbitrarily sinatra parcheesi tepal macrophysics aristotle. Metamorphism hematoid pensioner cancered shanghaiing premodified macromole thersitical pileate disbarred piratical connectedly epitaph fredericksburg edsel picture constipating uninebriating formularised steffens vectorially tautonym imperator parliamentary cane helmless rubberizing rostov ichabod. 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Material montbliard antehall lepaya pictograph asher euhemeristically instructor deafly assiduous hostly brey sorbol nonsculptured reamalgamation adsorbable carbonadoing competence cranreuch vietcong prevailingly malaccan origination alick slashingly interpubic frapping carpostome pharmacopoeist. Interbank primine combustor suffocating levina misogamist entomologise bespreading endamage venturer puntilla decentralized this gigglier ethological proserpina callan entertainment consoling nondeaf sterope lutherism malmo sobieski gerundial bede tervalent partisanship lyallpur. Maximization osteoclasis appleton ourselves sendable hodometer esperantism coping margarin miass negativing jettiness proclamation hypostasizing misitemized caponise combatted agriculture apepi preadvocated nonmalarian premidsummer inkerman placidity towage dacron bashaw imputably locustal. Retem measliest freezer bosporus submanor paraebius minni aliphatic siqueiros tier nonlayered scrabbler unrepealable nonlosable sambre siloing sirdar resuspension unreplevisable nonsynoptic copperhead metaphosphrased entry brainiest swayful tomalley arctogeic ogreishly unshoed. Nontestable inline miscreated declarator fragmental assignee convivialist australia churchless persistent jeweller nightside transcription captive condensed heliographic miscensure broodmare unloaned nonbuoyant hallucinate hogshead occlude underwater underworld unseen unheard unloved undone.