Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Happiness's Entropy

            Per me si va ne la città dolente,
            per me si va ne l’etterno dolore,
            per me si va tra la perduta gente.

            They lived und laughed ant loved end left.

We spread as wildfire while it rained,
We flew as wind while the air was stale,
            Passing, fleeing —

Let us go then, to the shore,
Where sea lions bask and seagulls swoop,
And Kafka sits, trapped by the choked atmosphere
Of swirling freedom of unfreedom.

And shall we go then too, to the balcony,
Where Romeo still pines for unreasonable death,
And the view of sunset conjures visions
Of a fading brilliance, of radiant distance?

We go, then leave, then come back again,
When there is but a wasteland left, dead
Lilacs and hissing soil,
Wandering souls bound to a sinking star,
            Leaving
As we set foot once more
And tend to the wilted sad and frowns,
Resurrecting the twilight kingdom.
(Yet we can only plug up the weeping holes.)

To spin the spiral and let loose some light
            and simple sadness,
To absolve the ropes and predict with certitude
            the flames of all passion spent,
To grieve then celebrate the passing of moon
            and summer and apocalypse,
To cope with gin and joke the gates we are
            to enter through in time,
To sigh, to blind, to hide, and to yield
            to me, happiness’s entropy,
To sing a merry merry song:

            Ashes! Ashes!
            We all fall down.

Gather your will, your way, your lonely
Soon-to-be-forgotten kindness, sorrow, pity.
Follow, or be followed, to kindred darkness
Or harrowing light — provided by the
Son of Man
Sun of Man
(not God, not electricity)
            Shine, shine, forever…
Since matter has been compressed,
Prepackaged and shipped at a low flat rate,
And photons are but a lane, a means —
We are left without an end.

Compact, condense, they say!
So I say to them, to you,
With a glare of a thousand knowing eyes,
“Try fighting against the eternal entropy of happiness.”
And to this they shudder, and shrivel up,
Their warmth dissipating like an amnesiac’s past.

            “The horror! The horror!”

Let us haunt minds and caves,
(Though they are in many ways synonymous)
And dig and eat away
At strings, at mother’s,
With sharpened brutal dreams —
Passive Brutus
Murdering in silence in quietude
Under the cover of day
With delayed response
Unrealization

            Atque ita divisit eos Dominus ex illo loco in universas
            terras et cessaverunt aedificare civitatem.

And April is cruellest with his shoures sote,
Which drops piercing doles of solitude:
False contentment
False truth (untruth)
False utopian fantasies set up by dead men,
Carrying the weight of a fallen trajectory,
Like self-proclaimed prophets held up by time,
Building Babel with babble and indistinguishable murmur.
We’re suspended in the clouds, strung up,
Propped up and praised — we smile —
I clap my hands and they clap their hands,
A primitive mimicking, echoing of reversed ruins;
The Lethe has dried up,
Forestalling the inextinguishable thirst of
Universal desperation, the unyielding pursuit of nonexistent
Happiness — for happiness, like water,
Like Lear, decays, dilutes,
Binds to poison, becomes poison, evaporates:
Thinned out to a wisp of deformed memory (or was it
An illusion?), talking to no one, washing dirt with dirt,
As I am, but gladly so.

I hooked us with unanswered, unanswerable questions —
But we know not, of course, we, with hearts of persistence,
That simple solace lays out like twigs in an ocean:
            We drown,
            Adrift —
Sad boats piloted by Ozymandias,
Though dead, Unseeming in the shadows and waves,
Subjugated to whirlpools of restricted thoughts —
Singing to birds that don’t sing back,
Praying to gods that have abandoned us…
Crying for self-pitying mothers,
Selfish fathers:
“O selfish Father,
Why do you scowl in that way?
Why do you mock us so?”
To no reply, silence, listening to time passing,
As my slow proliferation leaks into
Disdain and broken dreams,
Pandora’s Box with nothing left.

            When we are born, we cry that we are come
            To this great stage of fools.

We yearn for the close that we hope is never close.
And before that, you wish for
Not Alph, but some presence for you
To console in, once you’ve dropped down
From high places to these new
Desolate plains of hot breeze and dead trees.

Find not Aeolus, not even Calypso,
But wander, be guided by my currents;
End up here, nowhere, there in the shadows.
Become a pale reflection of supposed happiness,
            Of constructed should-be’s and theories.
So let us, for a final time, wave white flags
In victory — I suppose we can only
Celebrate now, in this rotting field.

Then, in our drunkenness,
We seem to find a way out, up,
Into the sky, up to an idyllic promise of heaven.
And we climb up like Sisyphus once more, forevermore.



Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Bells

bells rang from afar
            dissonant
sounding of
something terrible and discordant
            approaching

chiming through the solemn raindrops
without meter
without
rhythm without
            beat
or         breath
as the pitches decayed
                        dropping lower and lower
with the dark and grey sky as
the echoes shrank
and the horizons edged closer
and closer
and
even closer still
until...

the bells tolling for the wicked time
laid the sounds of peace to rest
drowning the damp air with ugliness
and each inhale —
            filled with an uglier stench —
of rot
of filthy people
pressed down
            on empty graves
and wilting trees that curl up
and lonely children that curl up
pressing
and depressed

            and the bells
ring still
            ringing on up into
the black clouds
endlessly
without remorse
until
only faint overtones
remain
stuck in deaf ears
imprisoned in
            choked hearts    

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Approximate

I cried thinking of some me and some you
That used to smile and laugh, but can’t anymore
Because they’re dead — buried by time
And a misty nostalgia that makes me say,
“I remember, I do,” when I don’t, when all
That is really left is a film clip: a cinematic rescaping
Of lost moments — a handwoven basket of
Some sorts, you know, to catch the shared
Glimpses of a former reality, an imprisoned reality
That’s locked up in a cell in heaven — which really
Means I’ll never see it again, which is why
I’m desperately trying to recreate those moments, building
Sand castles in a hurricane, capturing butterflies with
A shard of broken glass, hoping (endlessly and
Futilely) that you would help me when I know you won’t,
As I’m praying to the gods one at a time, two at a time,
For a miracle that even the silliest of them would
Only laugh and smile a pitiful smile, like you did, once,
Far away and long ago, when things were nice
And things unfolded in slow motion, or so it seemed,
It must have seemed, when then you put
A ghost hand on my shoulder and said, “I know,”
And did I crumple into your arms?

I did not know, nor do I know now, because
All I have left is a bitter aftertaste — but no —
It must have been sweet, like honey, like
A pure and white lump of sugar, like
I thought you were, like I think you are,
But everything is so hazy, behind
A veil of scars: scars of love — and I find
That I’m laughing, and smiling that same pitiful
Smile to myself, for wishing with such sad eyes
To enjoy once more, days that stung so strongly
And that I yet can only recollect as bliss;
Which is why I now yearn to remember
Everyday as approximate, and
Hope that I’ll never find you again.